Being a sensitive person

I'M STARTING OVER...

As they say, today is a new day... a fresh start. I'm trying to look at it that way, but I would love to rewind my last week and do it all over again. This has not been a very good few days. I've made mistakes that I can't un-do, plus I haven't felt good physically. I have had a horrible sinus headache that makes my head feel as tho' it could explode. But I'm trying to deal with it.

As for the rest of it, I'm trying to handle some personality and relationship problems. As people get older, and especially at my age, besides having the physical changes we begin to go through, we also have personality changes, some good, some not so good. I'm sure you know the cartoon character, Maxine. I love that woman and have often thought I wish I could be more like that... saying what's on my mind at the moment and let others "just deal with it". But that's not me. And I don't want to actually be like that. I don't want to be referred to as "that crabby old lady". I'm more caring and sensitive to other people's feelings. At least I thought I was.

I've always had trouble dealing with others. I've never done well in social situations. I'm what society calls shy, fearful and introverted. I'd rather be called a 'highly sensitive person'. (I wrote a blog on that some time ago.) My nervous system is sensitive to subtleties so that I get overstimulated, stressed out and overwhelmed. My brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply than most. I tend to get nervous and often speak before I think. This is not good. Then I feel bad later and I'll relive the situation forever -- over and over -- kicking myself in the butt each time, for being that way. Did I hurt their feelings? Why did I say what I said? I should have kept quiet.

I also experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly and I am affected by other people's moods, emotions and problems. I can get overly concerned and worry a lot. So many times in my life I have been told "you take things too personally". And because of that, I've been made to feel like something is wrong with me. I have also had the experience of "cutting people out" of my life.

The really tough times are when life throws stuff at me too hard and too fast and I go into overload or meltdown which I have done a time or two. I think that is what's happening to me this week. I've had a rough time and my emotions are right on the surface.

But these are all things I have dealt with in my life and what I'm currently working on, trying to change, because I notice (and feel) these traits in myself more and more lately. I want to be a better person and I want my children, especially my grandchildren, to be comfortable with me and see me the way I hope they do. Loving. Caring. Thoughtful. Generous. Kind. Life is so precious, a gift from God, and I'm determined to live each moment to the fullest, and hopefully I'll leave behind some good feelings and good memories with those lives that I have touched.

So, be patient with me... I'm a work in progress.